Sanderson1018:
What were the first steps you all took? I’ve made the decision to put on 10-15 lbs and see how I enjoy it. I’ve been into this fetish for so long but never considered gaining until recently. I’d like to see how it feels and looks on myself.
How did you all go about it? All in? Baby steps? I’m curious to hear all of your stories. I hope they can ease my nerves and help me find more confidence in this.
Trigger warning for toxic/abusive parenting and borderline ED
I started my gaining journey for two reason: spite and body dysmorphia.
I've been underweight during my childhood due to illness. It was hell. But what made it worse is that my mother would project her insecurities on me and try to make myself stay that was.
For context, I was 115 lbs and 5'6".
I tried to gain once. I put on 2 lbs and was finally in the healthy weight range. My mother flipped out on me and started talking a lot of craziness. She'd say things like I was fat and going to kill myself or that since we have "Asian bones" I couldn't go off of the BMI to say I was underweight.
To this day, I have no idea where she got the Asian bones thing. We are not Asian. We are mixed with some things, but we are predominately black. I asked her about it years later, but she doesn't remember due to head injuries she sustained later. I digress.
I lost the weight (it was muscle) to get her off my back, but I hated it. So one day, I decided to take control of my life and do what I want.
I was hard. Not only did my body work against me for years, my mother would hurl all kinds of abuse at me to make me lose the weight. Ironically, I'd look at myself and see a woman who was too thin instead of the bloated cow my mother insisted I was.
I've stopped gaining now that I am finally happy with what I see in the mirror. I'm no longer cold all the time, I can find clothes that fit, I don't get sick as much as I used to, and I'm far more confident these days.